


dying breaths

by waywardandup



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen, Izuna is a Troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 14:52:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8253086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardandup/pseuds/waywardandup
Summary: Izuna does not use his dying breaths to curse the Senju, to rage that they should never be trusted. No, Izuna has more important shit to say.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i only just started watching Naruto Shippuden like, five days ago, i don't know what i'm doing. but, uh, doing it anyway.

Izuna does not use his dying breaths to curse the Senju, to rage that they should never be trusted. No, Izuna has more important shit to say.

Like, "I'm serious, Madara, find a fucking hair straightener, or cut it all off. It's horrendous. Do you know how awful it was to follow that into battle?"

Here, Izuna paused, but only so he could take a stab at hacking up a lung.A bit of blood came put, so, solid effort--and Madara's grip on his hand convulsed, tightening, the moment he saw the blood.

" _Really_ fucking awful," he wheezed when he was able to. "Our clansmen shouldn't have to bear that. It's unconscionable."

"Izuna," Madara cut in, eyes a little wild and voice a little desperate, "The Senju _will_ pay for this -- I'll swear I will gut Tobi--"

"--shut up for a minute, honored elder brother, I'm fucking dying here, okay?" Madara's mouth snapped shut. "Right," Izuna said, pleased. "Right, so next, you and Hashirama seriously need to fuck. I know he's--" and here, Izuna raised his voice to be heard over Madara's sudden sputtering, "--married, but. Well Uzumaki-san is pretty hot, too."

" _Izuna_ ," Madara squawked.

Izuna coughed, feebly, and arched a brow at his honored elder brother.

"I'm _dying_ because of _your_ unresolved sexual tension," Izuna complained. "Tobirama and I probably could have been friends. But we felt so awkward with you two clearly aching for each others' dicks that we decided it was easier to fight to the death. Fewer conversations necessary, that way."Izuna broke into another fit of coughs before continuing in a rasp. “But _fuck_ , he is hellishly fast.” A cough. “And kind of hot.” More coughing. “Don’t tell him I said that. With my dying breaths, no less." 

Then Izuna fell silent as a thoughtful expression stole over his face. "Actually,” he said brightly reconsidering the entire situation, “ _Do_ tell him. Bastard." 

"Izuna," Madara repeated faintly, wearing a pained expression.

"Ah, yes, I feel my life slipping away, defeated by my arch nemesis, the brother of my brother's one true love." Izuna heaved a sigh, rattled out one final cough, and closed his eyes.

Madara opened his mouth to let loose a furious grief-ridden howl--

\--when Izuna's snapped back open, the Mangekyō Sharingan spinning rapidly.

"Right, almost forgot," the dying Uchiha said quickly. "You can have my eyes. Since you were being such a bitch about loosing your sight, and all."

And suddenly, Madara could not _wait_ for his little shit of a brother to die.


End file.
